Strange how we neglect to look inside for what
is troubling us. The possible outside forces, which can cause mayhem in our
thinking or habits, good or bad right or wrong, are there. We just need to look
inside and see. We may not always find an answer to why, who or how, but often
just swimming into the quagmire will help us disperse the sludge.
I filled with sludge shortly after taking a
leap of faith and sharing a selection of interesting personal articles I had
hoped to publish. Shortly after I had
sent it and began the waiting-game I lost my ability to write in length. My
thoughts of writing and stories floated about almost constantly but could not
draw myself out to put finger to keys. It was painfully.This dilly dally crap went on for weeks and I am talking weeks. The editor I chose seemed to be knee deep in his own busy life and I was merely an afterthought … well that is how I felt.
Three, four and five weeks passed between communications and all those ‘oh I am enjoying the reading,' 'it is comical' (as it was meant to be) etc., said lots but his actions and lack of interest in working on it showed me his words were empty.
The money I am paying did little to guarantee communication and forward movement in this endeavor and I am paying almost three times my hourly wage for this. When he did do something, he did it professionally but honestly you would think he was a spoilt top paid movie star. Oh you know I am good so you will put up with it. Actually I am talking your word on that and it is #$%^&!
Several weeks ago I threw my hands up and decided to start bugging – previously he would say next week and it would be three to five weeks. Nothing in between, no email saying sorry busy time or it is going to be delayed, nothing. If there are delays, people are much more understanding if you let them know than expecting them to just suck it all up when it is done. The situation has not improved but I have freed myself.
Four months it took me to look inside me and realize that I had mistakenly prepared to put my life aside to work on this with him. As my mind tormented itself with waiting and the calling of my stories to give them attention and still I could seem to stop waiting. My expectations were weekly or fortnightly were not daily - I am a reasonable person.
When I finally cleared my toys from the pram, I felt desperate to get back what I felt I had lost. I started in on a YA, which needed its last couple chapters. Once I
had finished rereading the first 25k words I sat and finished the ending in two
days (5-6k). I have done some correcting and it is ready for a couple beta
readers and their comments. I threw off my mental bindings and dove in.
I would not
leave all the fault with my editor in fact most of the fault shall be mine and
the choices I made. I waited rather than pressed the issue. I trusted people to
follow through with what they said they were going to do and give heed to our
communications. I assumed! I made an ass out of him and me by not following
through with the issues I was having. Not every choice we make is a good one
but how often we allow one bad choice the time to reproduce more bad choices.
When it comes to
business where there is an exchange of funds for work, acquaintances or not,
keep it business and keep the personal stuff out of it. Treat your customer as
you would want to be treated as a customer. Sounds so simple.
Sounds so stupidly simple.
It is still up in the air but I have moved it to a back burner.
